Happy Valentines Day!

Love,

Miss Ava Leigh

But First...

Let's have a baby update. :)

Ava has been sleeping in her crib for a little over a week.  For the most part this has been a great transition.  She sleeps better.  I sleep better.  And Matt...well Matt is currently sleeping worse as he readjusts to sharing a bed again.  She still gets up usually once a night to eat.  Occasionally twice and occasionally not at all.

Sleeping Beauty

Hi Mom!

Yes, Ava does sleep on her belly.  She sleeps longer and far more soundly that way.  She has excellent neck strength and a very firm mattress, so I'm not worried about her suffocating.  She did have a MAJOR blowout in her crib while Matt was watching her the other day.  Poop all up her front and back and all over her hands. I'm just thankful she didn't try to eat it!  Btw, anyone else put their kid on their stomachs notice that diapers don't seem to hold pee as well that way?  We've had several days this past week where her whole front is covered in pee when we get her in the mornings.

Before bed we have a little routine where we read a book, and then I turn off the lights in her room and sing songs while she lays her head on my shoulder.  It's very sweet.  Speaking of books, Ava LOVES her books.  She just stares at the pictures and gets this fascinated look on her face.  Precious.

Ooo, Pretty Pictures

And Oh So Tasty

So, things are going well.  We just adore our little squirt.  Her latest thing is watching our every move when we eat.  I almost feel bad eating in front of her anymore.  Looks like it might be time to try a little baby cereal!

Please Don't Push My Buttons

There are a few things that immediately get my riles up.

1. Misunderstandings about homeopathic medicine, herbs, oils, etc.
2. The arrogance of photographers.
3. The FDA (probably related to the first...)

I try to just NOT let these things bother me.  But for some reason something swells up in me that can hardly be contained when it comes to these topics.  I get mad.  I get sassy.   To help myself get some of that negative energy out, I'm going to be blogging about the first two, probably several posts for the first.  I'm not blogging about the FDA because they are just generally corrupt and I think researching it more would just serve to make me more angry. 

My Loves

I LOVE these two.  Love, love, love, love LOVE. :)

My Little Bug and Other News

I only have one new picture.  We lost our camera for a while and I just found it two days ago, so more pictures are coming, but we had a few weeks with none at all.  This one my sister actually took while she was babysitting.

Oh, so much to tell, so I think I'll just ramble.  Ava gets more and more darling with every day.   I just love, love, LOVE her!  In looking at many baby pictures, she actually does look like me as a baby when she's in full grin...I should do a side by side for y'all sometime.  But she probably mostly looks like Matt's little sister.  The face shape is different, but all the little facial features are the same: Her pretty, big almond shaped eyes, delicate nose, and precious little lips.  Ah, I could just eat her!  And she's still so cuddly too - at night if I move away from her in the bed at all, she just scooches over until she's right up next to me again.  (Probably just likes to be warm...but whatever, I love it.) 

The last month or so she hasn't slept as well - getting up 2 or 3 times a night to eat.  (Can  you tell that she's chunked out a bit?!)  But things are getting better there - last night she was up only once.  Oh, btw, she LOVES Brahms Lullaby - I sing it to her all the time, using my own words of course. :)  The breastfeeding battle is over.  I was taking Fenugreek to keep my supply up (to about half her daily needs), but then I ran out of the herb, and in the 2 1/2 days it took me to get some more, I dried up almost completely.  Sad, so super sad.  I loved breastfeeding too.  So now she's totally on formula - Nutramigen - super expensive fully-hydrolyzed stuff.  Costs us about $10 a day to feed her - seriously.  But, if it somehow keeps her from getting diabetes, it will be well worth it.  (If you're interested, http://trigr.epi.usf.edu/about.html).  

Matt was just recently diagnosed with thyroid disease on top of his diabetes.  He's now on meds and doing somewhat better.  His adventures at BYU have fallen flat on their face however and he'll be back at UVU in May to finish up his degree.  Which is probably where he should have stayed in the first place - I blame this entirely on myself.  I wanted him at BYU so I made it happen and it just wasn't the right path.  We'll have to pay tuition at UVU, but it's probably the most cost effective choice in the long run.  Anyway, since he's not in school this semester, he'll be staying home with Ava on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  He'll start doing that next week.  I think he's excited about it.  Ava and Daddy love to play together. :)

Being a mom is the best thing ever.  It stinks that I have to work full time, but we'll just get through it; it won't last forever.  I already want more kids.  If I wasn't working, we'd already be trying for another, but alas, that time is not now.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not feeling like we're SUPPOSED to have more kids right this second, but I can feel that there are others waiting.  And that makes me happy and anxious to have them...when the time is right. It'll be interesting to see if that "right" time comes before we're logistically ready.  That boys and girls, would take some faith!  Oh, but we have already named our next two children.  They're both boys: Andrew Glen Gardiner and Christopher Adam Gardiner.  How do I know they're both boys?  I don't.  But after those two boys we're having another little girl whom we haven't named yet. ;)

Okay, that's enough rambling for now.  More later.

Jibber Jabber

My dad sent me this little clip of Ava yapping.  It's not really anything, but of course I think it's cute. :)

Bringing Out the Thankful

I've been somewhat depressed the last few days, maybe weeks, I'm really not sure. It's now progressed to the point that I'm not sleeping well. I thought it might do my heart good to list a few things I'm thankful for; things that make life seem happy. At least if on paper.

#1: Ava. My darling daughter. She is the light of my every day. I adore her completely. She has such a sweet disposition and she just melts my heart. Some ppl say I'm a bad parent for letting her sleep with me, but I don't care. Since I'm away from her at work all day, I want and need that time we have together. Sometimes I just lay there and stare at her lovely little face and occasionally in the midst of her slumber she'll reach up and rest her little hand on my cheek and without fail all the world seems a better place.

#2: Money. We don't have a lot of it, but we have enough of it that I don't have to wonder how I'm going to pay our bills. There have been periods of my life where I have lived in the terror and constant worry of not having enough and I know that for many that is presently an every day reality. So, I can lose a $50 gift card for clothes that I really do need, and while I'm sad, there's a part of me that hopes that whoever found it needed it more than I do. And I can be ok with that instead of devastated.

#3: 117. That's what I weigh right now. I'm amazed at how I still kinda hate my body, but I can put on ONE outfit in the morning and look in the mirror and say, Meh, whatever, that's fine. Being fat is a huge stressor that I'm glad not to be currently burdened with. My heart goes out to those that struggle with their self image. I've been there. There sucks.

#4: My Mom. She loves me. I know she thinks I'm absolutely ridiculous at times and while I may get the occasional dirty look, I'll never doubt her love for me. Her selflessness blows my mind. If my back hurts, she rubs it. If I'm hungry, she makes me food. If I'm stranded, she offers a ride. When I call her, she answers. If I want a piece of her clothing/her pillow/her costly vitamins she gives them to me. All with a hug and a smile on her face, regardless of what comforts it may have cost her. I wish I were more like her.

I do have a lot. Too much to list here. But now I at least have these four pillars here to read over and over if I need to combat my negativity. And I don't mean to imply that one cant be happy being childless or poor or overweight or parentless. In life we all have some things and have not others. And for this moment I've focused on things I have rather than what I have not. Something to put a smile on my face; a reminder of how richly blessed I am.