Mrs. Grinch

MERRY GRINCHMAS!

I've been a bit grumpy bear this week.  A few things haven't gone my way and a few more things look like they probably won't go my way...so I started eating sugar, which of course made things 10Xs worse.  I'm pretty well behaved at work. (Well, aside from people wishing me Merry Christmas and getting an "um hum" in return - I swear I don't do it on purpose!  Oh, well, and I've snapped at the students a couple of times. *cringe*)  I wanna be cheerful. Super sadface.  I'm reminding myself of my sister.  Bahahaha.  Anyway, to those of you who chance to read this - I do love you - just ignore my sourness.  My icy heart will thaw out in time.

My Fun Purchase of the Week

Just tried L'Oreal's new Telescopic Explosion Mascara.  IT'S TRICKY.  Don't dare try it if you're in a hurry, but if you can be patient it's kinda cool.  Kicks butt on the lower lashes! Here are some tips:
1. Use the brush VERTICALLY not horizontally like you usually would.
2. You'll need a lash brush to brush through any little clumps when you're done.

Funky little brush isn't it?

Humility

On the mission I discovered humility.  I decided I needed some and prayed for it.  There are some prayers the Lord seems ever so eager to answer - along came humbling experiences.  However, I felt I made NO progress.  My second to last companion was constantly in tears.  She had one word to describe me: Reactive. Looking back, I was flat out mean to this poor sister.  Such pride.  It was like I had this inner hatred of myself and I took it all out on her. It was a dark time.

It wasn't until my mission ended that I started to regret my behavior.  Deep regret.  I still hurt in my heart when I think about it.  I have since asked for this sister's forgiveness and she has generously granted it.  I continued to pray for humility, but was discouraged.

Then an interesting thing happened.  About  a year ago I started to encounter some tough situations.  Situations where pride very easily could have reared it's ugly head.  And yet...I found myself experiencing what I can only describe as an inner calm.  When I should have been hurt, offended, angry, judgmental - I wasn't any of those things.  Matter of fact, I wasn't reactive AT ALL.  And what was so cool about it was that it just came so naturally.  It was truly a gift from God. Today, I am still amazed at times by my lack of reactive-ness - it's just so UNLIKE me.

Now.  Don't take this the wrong way.  I am not humble.  I am not selfless.  I want to be these things, but pride comes all too easily to me and it's going to take more than this life to overcome it.  Thru the mercy of God, I am simply not reactive, and that is but a small piece of humility. That one weakness became a strength.

THE POINT: God wants to grant us the righteous desires of our hearts.  As we seek Him and the character traits that embody Him, He will endow us with these things to bless our lives and the lives of others.  But we have to ask.  And we have to keep working for it - even when it seems we make no progress.  And "after all we can do" he takes us beyond our natural capabilities.  Freaking awesome.  I needed the reminder.

One Week

Well, I made it almost a week...that's goodish....and I caved in the mildest way possible. Still, my goal is NO self-medication.

The last 3 days have just been SO HARD. I want to just throw in the towel cause I'm tired of fighting. But, nope nope nope. So, Ima see if I can go 2 weeks this time! Woot, woot!

In preparation for the season I have posted my all time favorite Halloween pic.  I love it.  It makes me laugh.

Enjoy.

Sad Day

So, things with my challenge are going well! Today is day 5 - and no overeating, no chatting with silly boys online, and none of my other SM habits. Yay! I feel blessed. This mental challenge works so much better than the reminder cards I made a while back.

However, I'm posting today bc today is a hard day. I've already been tempted to self-medicate like a dozen times today! I'm kinda sad and that's when it's the hardest. So, here's me putting it out there that I'm not giving up! One of my favorite quotes is from Elaine Dalton: "I can do hard things." Yes I can. And yes, I will.

A Challenge!

Ok, so I'm really excited. Why, you ask? Bc I'm putting myself to the challenge! I love challenges!

I have a number of self-medicating behaviors I engage in - some of them on a daily basis. I engage in them bc they temporarily disseminate pain. However, in the long run they only serve to make me feel worse. I think I've pretty much identified what all of these behaviors are for me - I have about 5 of them. (Things such as studying scripture, exercise, talking with friends, etc can be GOOD SM behaviors, but I refer to those that are negative).

Anyway, yesterday I decided that I would white knuckle it and NOT self medicate - no matter what. Well, today I feel surprisingly happy. Like, REALLY excited about life and I have so much energy! So, my challenge is to see how many days I can remain "sober" from my self medicating behaviors.

Want to join me? Most everyone self-medicates to some degree. Do you know what your SM behaviors are?

The Process of Time

I don't know who to credit for this module, nor to whom to apologize for slaughtering it like I'm sure I'll do. In the interest of progression tho, I'll not worry about it at this juncture. :)

So here ----> you see my rendering of this concept I've been learning about. Assume the arrows represent time. Thus: In a romantic relationship, over time, the natural consequence of increased trust is emotional intimacy - fostering what we call "love." Love then continues to grow over time as more trust begets deeper intimacy.

I know what you're all thinking, "Duh".

Well, I bring this up because I suck at it. I have a tendency to want to screw time. I rush trust in the expectation of a higher level of emotional intimacy - seeking the ultimate....love. Which never works. Why? TRUST TAKES TIME. I can feign the "resulting" intimacy all day, but I'd do just as well to pull out my dolls and start playing house.

Why I do this is the subject of another post, but my understanding of this concept is requisite to dealing with the "why" anyhow.